Open Mike - Talking Murder with Alan Stoneham?
On Monday 3 June 2014 on FOX's Open Mike program, former VFL/AFL footballer Alan Stoneham was interviewed about his career and the 'tragic night that changed his life forever'. Those with no knowledge of that night might have imagined a death in the family or an horrific car accident. In fact it was the night Alan's adopted son, James, murdered 20-year-old Adriana Donato. The dead girl was James' former girlfriend. In 2012 he'd driven her to a park and fatally stabbed her in an act described by the judge as 'a chilling and planned murder'.
In the aftermath of the murder, with a trial looming, Adriana's mother, Grace, rang me to discuss what had befallen her. Although she was understandably devastated, I was taken by her strength of character and the poise she displayed. Justice not retribution was at the forefront of her thinking. Her daughter, who was on the verge of finishing a degree in zoology, had so much to live for. In his interview Mike Sheahan did not ask Alan how Adriana was murdered or why, in the weeks before the murder James Stoneham had been researching murder. There was no mention of how, to quote The Age newspaper, 'he used Google to search the words "murder, Australian law", "chloroform" ...' before enticing Adriana into his car and driving to Riverside Park, Aberfeldie. No mention in the interview that 60 women a year in Australia are killed by men with whom they've had an intimate relationship.
During the interview the killer emerged as the victim of a psychotic episode rather than a man seeking revenge against a woman who had ended a relationship. Of the killing, Adriana's mother had said in her victim impact statement: 'Women have to be respected for the choices they make in their lives and not be controlled by jealous and obsessive men.' That was not the picture of James Stoneham painted in the interview.
Those of us who've tasted the violence of vengeful men don't warm to the idea that they are victims. Twenty-five years ago it was my sister's killer who wore the victim's crown in an Australian court. I accept that it's hard on Alan Stoneham and his wife to know their son murdered a young woman but that I can't and won't ignore the fact that James Stoneham killed Adriana in an act of revenge. He didn't kill the woman he loved. He killed a woman whose mistake it was to seek independence.
For the planned murder of young Adriana Donato the killer will spend 14 years in jail, a sentence Mike Sheahan described as the 'the best part of twenty years'. The killer had pleaded guilty in order to avoid a trial that would have hurt Adriana's and his own family, said Alan Stoneham. That is debatable. Such was the evidence of the planning that went into the murder, it's highly likely that had he pleaded not guilty and been found guilty of murder the minimum sentence would have been 18 years.
Once Alan Stoneham chose to discuss the murder of Adriana Donato on TV, I believe it was incumbent that the interview canvassed the dark forces that drove his son to murder. Not once were the questions of jealousy and possessiveness raised by the dead girl's mother, addressed by Alan Stoneham. Instead of placing his son within a male underbelly that sees women as chattels, Alan chose to blame his son's mental state and the mental health system for this act of violence, thus transforming yet another 'wife killer' into a victim.
I feel for Alan Stoneham and his family but have grave reservations about an interview done without the concurrence of the murdered girl's family and selective in its presentation of the facts. As much as Alan Stoneham said he didn't want sympathy, surely, he understands how the words 'there are no winners in this, we are all victims' would test the patience and sensitivities of the murdered girl's family. When someone suicides, we see Helpline phone numbers and website addresses under media stories. What a shame there wasn't a line reminding women not to trust men who make threats after a separation. What a shame we didn't hear the full story of Adriana's murder.